I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
