i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
