goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
