did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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