New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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