The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
