Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
