physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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