A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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