No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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