I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
