I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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