chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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