I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
