When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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