I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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