Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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