doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
