I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
