i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
