So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
