When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
