I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
