I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
