I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
