I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
