She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
