I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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