i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
