you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
