youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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