Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
