They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
