of course. lets lasso hookers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
