shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
