Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
false alarm. still invincible.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
