he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
pray to the hookup gods
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
