i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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