im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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