Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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