Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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