She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
