I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
