I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
