Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
pray to the hookup gods
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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