the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
