dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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