Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
