Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
