I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
