hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
