Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
