Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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