I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
