He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Couch. On fire.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
